There is nothing more rage inducing than finding out you have been lied to.
When someone deceives us, it means one of two things.
1) They took something from us we would not have given them if not for the deception…this
could range anywhere from money to trust.
2) They dodged accountability…this could mean avoiding punishment, getting away with wrong doing, or shifting blame.
For some people (my wife for one) the worst thing you can do is lie. Donna is, with all the love I can muster, an Iron Butterfly.
She is incredibly strong and incredibly delicate at the same time. She can deal with the hardest truth; I have seen it. She can show compassion and mercy when most wouldn’t. She cannot tolerate lying.
She counts on being able to trust people she has a relationship with. That is why she is so devastated when there are lies.
You might say she shouldn’t trust so much, maybe, but….I would rather default to trust in relationships than doubt! Trusting has its risks, but doubting is empty.
Anyway, do you know why she gets so upset when she finds out a lie? Because, lying at its very core is breaking trust. That is why it hurts, that is why is so devastating.
A lie always means I don’t trust you with the truth. It damages the relationship without fail.
I probably don’t have to tell you lying is bad, you figured that out on your own. The problem is most of us are lied to on a regular basis and we RARELY catch it.
No, I am not talking about CNN/Fox, the government, or the advertisers. It is a much less obvious deception. It is the lies you want to believe.
Here are ways we are always lyin to ourselves….
1) You Will Get the Good Life – First of all working hard and growing are good things. However, with these honorable ambitions come a deception. If I work hard enough, if I accomplish enough, if I build my family enough somehow, I will find the good life, whatever that is.
And that is part of the problem. We aren’t even sure how to define the good life but we tell ourselves we can go and get it. If put the right effort into the right place, at the right time we will get a good life.
Not only can we not define it. It isn’t true. Life is elusive. The lie is easy to believe and more comfortable. The truth is more important. We cannot control our lives and through our efforts bring about lasting significance. We will never understand enough, accomplish enough, or own enough to control things and force our way into a good life.
2) The New Thing is the Answer – I love experiencing things for the first time. The first taste of something I have never had. The view of the places I have never traveled to before. The first few seconds of skydiving…they are all amazing moments. But they aren’t life.
We long to come across something in our lives that will break the constant repetitive cycle, something to say or see or hear that will be truly new and therefore significant—but there is nothing. No such thing exists. There is always a Monday lurking, summer is always around the corner and every “can’t live without it” product ends up in the closet.
It’s just what the world is like. It’s reality. It’s the same for everyone. Stop thinking that meaning, happiness and satisfaction reside in novelty. What is new is not new, and what feels new will soon feel old.
3) We Can Pretend there is No End – No one likes to think about death. Not real death, maybe the movies or some odd romantic notion. Real death is ugly, upsetting, and inside we know it was never meant to be…so we pretend it isn’t real.
Let’s pretend that if we bring up good children, we’ll feel significant. Let’s pretend if we change jobs, we will escape the ordinariness of life. Let’s pretend if we move to a new house, we’ll be happier and will never want to move again. Let’s pretend if we end one relationship and start a new one, we won’t ever feel trapped. Let’s pretend time is always on our side to do what we want to do and become the people we want to be. Let’s pretend we can break the cycle…the one no human has ever broken.
Death is ugly, but it is real. Death is coming. We shouldn’t keep lying to ourselves about it.
Wouldn’t you rather know and believe the hard truth than the comfortable lie? God trusts you enough to tell you the truth. We are the ones who lie.
Here is the truth, life is elusive, life is repetitive and death is real. These are truths to believe and they can and should shape our lives.
If life is not about avoiding death, finding the new magic experience, or getting a hold of the slippery idea of a mystical good life then it must be about something else.
You can see the truth behind the lies! (thanks to the band U2 for that line!)
Don’t lie to yourself.
Insist on the truth and trust the one who tells the truth, it will set you free.
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