Summer is a strange thing if you live in Phoenix. The slower pace, the vacation time, the kids out of school all create a lifestyle most enjoy. I love less hectic and more relaxed.
The heat…well that is another thing.
We long for the death of the summer heat but know it comes with the busy fall.
I have danced this dance a few times now. Does this sound about right…
The flurry of back to school calms down after the class schedules are determined, the clothes and school supplies are purchased, the car pool and lunch options are sorted out and with a few weeks under our belts we have a new routine. It is late August and early September but everyone pretends it is fall with flannels and pumpkin spice! (People this is Phoenix, it is still 100 plus outside!!)
But then clubteambandsportspractice (yes that is all one word) start up. School is a part of the schedule but nights and weekends are filled with practices, homework, wolfed down meals and trips to Walmart. Weekends are for relaxi…actually for games, tournaments, birthday parties, unfinished homework and unfinished house projects and chores. It is
September and feels like summer was a long time ago.
You keep doing this and realize somehow it is already Halloween and cooler outside. Time for a fun break, then back to it. After a week (really a month!) you notice Christmas music is playing because it is Thanksgiving and you have to get ready for Christmas.
This happened to me for about a decade straight. It is a lot for couples and parents. This is just the schedule, no mention of the important things of life yet.
As a husband, dad and pastor living in secular America, it's hard to ignore the pervasive sexual and cultural moral crisis that seems to touch every aspect of our lives. The rise of technology, shifting societal norms, and the decline of religious influence have created a hostile environment for anyone serious about following Jesus.
No matter how secluded you attempt to keep your kids and family ugly stuff shows up. It may be through other kids, social media, the school, websites, movies, or friends but the creep of darkness is relentless.
Can I state the obvious?
Following Jesus is hard.
Being married is hard.
Parenting kids is hard.
This isn’t some social trend either. This is your marriage, and your children. I talk weekly with families who are slogging through this. It is personal.
I wish there was a way to wave a wand and make the hard things easy but it isn’t an option.
You do have some options however. I want to tread lightly with what I am about to say. But as you look at your life, your family, your faith priorities and hopes for the future you need to ask yourself and answer an important question.
Does our schedule reflect our priorities?
As I said important things are hard, don’t make them more difficult by living with a schedule and set of shadow priorities that make the path of following Jesus, building your marriage, and raising your kids even HARDER.
Jesus talked about the danger of living with great intentions but experiencing that life slowly and subtly choaked out by being busy. Busy working hard, busy playing hard. but never busy living well. (Matt 13:22)
There are some decisions to make. I want to press you.
If you value and want to build your marriage, how are you doing it?
If you want to raise your kids to know, love, and follow Jesus what are you doing?
I know this can create some uncomfortableness and I don’t want you to feel judged or criticized but these are indescribably important questions.
I would rather you feel some discomfort and align your life with your values than get the life quietly and almost secretly squeezed out of you and your family.
My wife and I were fortunate to have some help early in our marriage and when we became parents. That help came from our church! MT Ridge is no different than my home church. Marriage is hard, parenting is hard…Mt Ridge wants to help.
I am no expert, but I can share with you two things we learned from our church and put into motion.
We learned we must have date night. For most of our marriage we have had at least a once-a-month date night and most of the time at least twice a month. We did before kids, we did it while we had kids at home and we still do it now even with the kids moved out.
When the girls came along, they were like all kids. I want to do this; I want to do that…when can I get a phone. Same stuff. We made a plan, they will be engaged at church.
So, we told them as a family we are going to be engaged at church, as students they would need to work hard at school and they could do one extra thing (sports, clubs, scouts etc). Life was full. We went to church, they did great at school and each enjoyed an extra activity.
We were simply not going to trade off faith as an optional. It was never going to be if we have time, we will make it. Following Jesus is an everyday thing for us, not a nice add on to a busy life.
Jesus has never been good with being squeezed into the margins of life…so we didn’t want to teach our girls to live that way.
As I said, it is hard, you don’t need me to tell you that. Don’t make it harder by treating faith and following Jesus like something to do when you have discretionary time.
Mt Ridge absolutely wants to help. God is FOR you and Mt Ridge is FOR you. We have staffing, budgets, meeting space, resources, and amazing volunteers all eager to help you as partners and friends while you do the important hard things. (You will not find preschool, children, or student leaders and volunteers who care and love like the ones we have here!)
It would be nice if kids weren’t facing so many grown up things before they are grown.
But they are.
Kids aren’t shy about asking for help, where do you want them to go? The dance team, the band, Instagram? Unfortunately, they will likely hear exactly the opposite of what you want them to hear in those places.
If they are already engaged with leaders who love them, like their small group leader at church, they will get a much better answer. Here is the thing, they need to have that relationship in place before they have the questions.
What about you? Who do you sort through the complexities of marriage with. I hope it is your Community Group. That place where people balance their love for you with the truth you need to hear.
I am not against marriage counseling it is a great option. I am definitely FOR couples doing life with other couples who love God and love each other. It is shocking how much relational growth can happen in that environment.
Summer is over even though the heat remains. Fall is here and it will demand much from you.
Navigate it well.
Make sure your priorities drive your schedule, not the other way around. Too much hangs in the balance to let life happen to you. No more fitting faith in, let everything else hang off of your connection to Jesus.
For your faith, your marriage, and your kids decide to have the fall you want.
PS
We do want to partner with you, watch for some of our fall helps:
Parenting to Thrive seminar
Financial Peace University
A text-based build your own Family Generosity plan
7 Night Date Night experience
Couples hiking guide among other things.
Check out our marriage page at www.mountainridge.church/marriage you can sign up there for a monthly newsletter with marriage building ideas and opportunities.
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Finally, check our our YouTube channel for great videos designed to help you move forward
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