4 Ways to Fake Love

When I was in Jr High (warning immature story coming up) my friends and I started using the word FAKE as a way to tease each other.

For example if someone fell down we would hold out our hand to help them up and then pull it away as we said FAKE and laughed. Someone would need you to hold their text book and you would hold it for a second, drop it and say FAKE. Or the best one if someone was short money in a line for the movie or at the grocery store you hold out a $5 and when they go to grab it, you put in your pocket and say FAKE.

Funny stuff, right? Well again we were Junior High boys so…It was funny to pretend to help someone and then at the last moment take it back.

I have matured some since then. Though my wife feels there is still work to do…I will always have some 12 year old boy in me!

Faking help is not funny. Faking love (“out of nothing at all”, that’s for all you Air Supply fans, I told you the Jr High boy is still in there!) is worse.

Fake love lacks authenticity and often serves a hidden agenda. No one would encourage anyone to fake love, but it happens. Way. To. Much.

I don’t want to hurt your feelings but you may have done it before. You may even be doing it now. It shows up in few obvious and not so obvious ways.

1. I love you, if it doesn’t cost me. Self-interest not a genuine desire to care for and support another person is the motive. I fake it because I want to manipulate or control. I want what is good for you as long as it helps me. If not then I am out.

2. I love you, when it is convenient. Love may be present in certain situations or circumstances, but it is not a consistent and ongoing expression of care and support. It may come and go based on my needs or desires. It is both conditional and must fit my schedule.

3. I love you, but don’t get too close. Fake love may be expressed through words or actions, but it is not a deep or meaningful connection. Surface-level expression of affection or care, but no genuine emotional connection.

4. I love you, but I love me most. Lack of sacrifice with no willingness to put the needs of another person first. It may be a form of love that is easy and convenient, but it doesn’t involve any real effort or sacrifice.

In one sense you could simply reverse everything above and it would look more like real love.

The Bible takes it one step further. It tells us exactly how to love one another and even gives examples and directions. It is almost as if this is so important God is taking no chances on us missing this.

The beautiful “one another” commands of the New Testament are famous. But it is also striking to notice the “one anothers” that do not appear there.

For example, humble one another, scrutinize one another, pressure one another, embarrass one another, corner one another, interrupt one another, defeat one another, marginalize one another, exclude one another, judge one another, run one another’s lives, confess one another’s sins . . . .We are never told to do any of these things.

What you and I believe about Jesus is revealed in how we treat one another. The love of Jesus positions us to treat one another like royalty, while every other approach positions us to treat one another like dirt.

Our relationships with one another reveal to us what we really believe as opposed to what we think we believe, our convictions as opposed to our opinions.

When we mistreat one another, our problem is not a lack of surface niceness but a lack of depth. What we need is not better manners but, far more, real love.

No one wants to receive fake love. What if we were just as adverse to giving fake love as we are to receiving fake love?

I recently shared a video message on this, you can watch it here.

All of this sounds right and good. But if you are like me you have heard these things all of your life. It isn’t a lack of knowing but a challenge in doing we have to overcome.

The best way to sharpen your skills, to eliminate fake love and double down on real love is to serve others. It does things in you and it does things to you. The fake stuff falls out fast and what is left is purified, solid, and meaningful.

Jon Acuff talks about what this looks like today. With all our anxiety, busyness, and uncertainty. There are three statements he made at a conference I attended I can’t let go.

1. Be brave enough to be bad at something new. Yes, stepping into a role where you actively and consistently serve someone else can be intimidating. Do it anyway. No you won’t be great at the start. Yes you will get better…only if you start

2. You can take the first step without knowing the last. No, you don’t know how serving someone else it will turn out but that can’t be a reason for not doing it. Truth is, you don’t know how anything in your life will turn out for sure. It’s ok, you can take step one without knowing where everything will land.

3. Fear comes free; hope takes work. Maybe my favorite. In my best moments I want to be a person who points other people to hope. In world where people have all kinds of fears we know finding something to be afraid of is easy, you don’t have to try. But who wants to live in a spirit of fear? Why not spend your best energy, your amazing talents, and your capacity to love doing the work of brining hope. You will spend your life doing something, what is better than pointing people to hope?

Fake love is a real thing. Real love is a better thing. In this case you can’t fake it till you make it. Be brave, take a step, do the work and see what happens next. It is going to be great!

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