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  • Writer's pictureBrett

What is Excessively Normal and Exceedingly Difficult?

I suppose the answer to the question could be any number of things, but I am thinking about your relationships.

We are wired for relationships, no matter how introverted no one wants to be left with no one in their life. You having relationships is excessively normal. Yet I don’t think anyone would argue, your relationships can be exceedingly difficult.

The reason we don’t give up on the idea of relationships, difficult as they are, is because we find life in them. Truthfully, the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships.

I can predict where your life will be in a few years if you give me some time with the people you are closest too. Your life will resemble the lives of the people closest to you – Does that excite you or freak you out?

Let’s talk about how to make them a little easier…we all have our stuff so relationships will always have some tricky things to navigate. See the post Why You Always in a Mood.

1) Don’t believe the lie if a relationship is meant to be, it will be hassle free. Nope. That has never been true in the history of ever. Relationships, the best relationships, the easiest relationships still take work. Being married, being a parent, being a friend, being a son or daughter, being a co-worker, being a neighbor will all have some level of difficulty. (See above about how we all have some stuff!)

Every situation is different but you will have to apologize, forgive, show patience and encourage whoever you are in a relationship with. Yes, relationships take effort and work. That is why they are so valuable.

We talked recently about killing relationship regrets. You can check it out here as a part of a message on Relationship Maintenance. It is worth the time, but if you just want the regrets part go to 31:37 mark

2) Be the Boss of the Little Voice. You have a little (or loud) inner voice, we all do. Often it is harmless. Mine makes jokes no one else would laugh at but me. It also asks strange questions like, “how do they get the m’s on M&Ms without breaking the shell?”. Every single one has it!

Usually it is harmless. Sometimes it is helpful. Gives you little warnings or tells you “you are going to be ok”.

Sometimes though it is harmful.

You need to be the boss of your little voice, especially when it gets loud about your relationships. It has the crazy ability to get you to start making comparisons, asking anxiety riddled questions, doubting your friends and families’ motives and putting yourself down. It will even flat out lie to you about yourself and the people you care about.

This is not helpful. When the little voice gets harmful you need to get bossy. First of all, give it name, a funny powerless name. Then tell it to quiet down. Make a joke about it, tell it to go away until it can behave.

Yeah I know that is silly but you know what? It works. Why would you let your little inner voice make something that is already hard more difficult? Don’t give it that power.

3) Insist on a successful marriage that ends with watching the other person die. Wow! What? I know but its true.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment and chances are you both won’t die at the same time. So, yeah shocking, and a little morbid, but accurate. You want to stay together for ever, that is the outcome of a successful marriage. It takes one simple relationship principle. Just one.

Give way. Give way to each other. Try to out do your spouse in putting each other first. Don’t love out of insecurities, because insecurity can’t authentically love. Insecurity can only demand, spark jealousy and ask “what are you going to do for me?”. Loving from security instead gives, celebrates and asks , “what can I do for you?”. Security allows you to give way.

Relationships are normal and difficult. The truth is we will never actually get them right without some outside intervention.

Trusting in your relationship with God allows you to trust God in all your relationships.

The security you need to give way to your spouse comes from the security you find in following Christ.

You can only effectively deal with the lies that come at you by living out of the truth Christ brings you.

The forgiveness every relationship you have will require can only come from the forgiveness you are gifted in Christ.

It is natural to want great relationships. It is natural to find relationships difficult. Fortunately everything you find in Christ is supernatural.


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