There have been a few songs about love. Let’s play a game. I will give you the lyric and you give me the artist(s) who sang the song. The answers are at the end of article.
1) “I want to know what love is, and I want you to show me”
2) “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, baby don’t hurt me no more”
3) “My heads underwater but I’m doin fine, your crazy and I am out of my mind, cause all of me loves all of you”
4) “Take me into your loving arms, Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars, Place your head on my beating heart, I'm thinking out loud, That maybe we found love right where we are,”
5) “I've got sunshine on a cloudy day, When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May, I guess you'd say, What can make me feel this way, My girl, my girl, my girl, Talkin' 'bout my girl”
Valentine’s day is around the corner, it makes sense to talk about love. But let’s not talk about Valentines love…the mushy, the chocolate covered, flowers and greeting cards love. Not even the Hallmark movie love where everything works out in the end and the one you really love was right there all along (probably wearing a flannel shirt).
I guess that stuff is entertaining, it gets people into their feels, but that is not what I am talking about. I mean the real stuff. The everyday, not often easy choices you make because you love someone.
It may be one of the most natural and one of the hardest things you do! It is as natural as a father loving his son and can be as difficult as a son who can’t seem to love his father.
You know why it is hard sometimes? There are several reasons but one of the biggest is because your feelings and your expressions of love get lost in translation. Not only to they not understand what you authentically do to show your love, sometimes what they experience from you acts like a force pushing them away.
The worst part is, you and I are often blind to the whole thing. We are left wondering…we show love and it isn’t welcomed, at times it is even pushed back with an angry shove. What gives?
You may have heard of the 5 Love Languages from Gary Chapman. He did us all a favor when he wrote a book by the same title 30 years ago.
A simple approach describing how people give and receive love. The languages are fairly self-explanatory. You can check out the book HERE.
1) Time – some people give and receive love best by spending time with another person. It doesn’t matter what they are doing really as long as they are with the person they love.
2) Gifts – no they aren’t materialistic, the act of giving a gift even one with little to no value is how they express love and feel loved. That you thought of them is the key.
3) Words – affirming words that build up, largely through what is said to them and about them is the language for some. Words of affirmation matter most.
4) Physical touch – a high five, a handshake, a hug, a kiss, a neck rub, holding hands. People who speak this language need to have contact to know love is present.
5) Service – I know you love me when you do something for me so I don’t have to do it myself. You know I love you when I do a task so you don’t need to.
Not sure what your language or your spouse's language is? Take a quiz from the author. QUIZ
None are right or wrong or better than the others. Truthfully most of us like them all but we have one that is our native language. We speak it and listen for it more than the others.
It is powerful to know your love language, it might explain some things about how and why some relationships work more smoothly than others. Obviously if you love someone who speaks the same language it is more natural and easier.
The real value is in knowing the love language of the most important people in your life. It is not about getting everyone to love you the way you want to be loved. It is about you figuring out how to speak love to the people you love most.
If you deeply cared for someone who spoke French, wouldn’t it make sense to learn some French so you could communicate better? Same here.
Want a better relationship with your spouse, your kids, your parents, you in-laws, your co-workers (you get the idea)? Learn their love language and develop the relationship from there.
At the end of a recent research study about love consuming hours of time, volumes of interviews and countless revisions the conclusion:
considering the needs and wants of the other person first and then adjusting your own behavior—and not expecting it to work the other way around—is what makes the whole thing work.
I am glad they did the study, but they could have simply checked in with Jesus. He said love is doing for others what you would want them to do for you.
Learn the language, start translating and find out what love really is.
So how did you do on the music quiz? How many did you get right?
(1-2 not a music lover, 3 good job, 4-5 love you some music)
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